I’m feeling super poetic today.

If my Spanx could talk,

it would say to me,

“No, I am not a magician,

You gotta lose the gut, you fat fool.”

If my Spanx could talk,

it would invite me to Dr. Phil show

and sit on that tall stool

and cry, “But I was never good enough for her!”

If my Spanx could talk,

we would have some heart to heart

on if one wears panties or not

when wearing the Spanx.

If my Spanx could talk,

it might ask these questions to me:

Do you feel more beautiful because of me?

Do you feel sad?

How the hell do you eat all the food with the Spanx still on?

I’m not sure how

I will answer these questions, but

all I know is that

And I might do this one of these very soon…

…to publicly acknowledge your hard work.

xoxo,

Alice