How to be confident when life is crap

People often tell me that I seem super confident because I usually look and act like this on the outside:

…but the truth is, I often feel insecure and self-conscious; I’ve just figured out how to talk myself out of it quickly when those feelings creep in.

Here is what I’ve figured out:

People don’t know that your life is crap. As much you feel shitty/tired/old/depressed, you appear surprisingly put together from an outsider’s perspective, so if you fake it, you will pass as someone who is totally fine. If you ALWAYS put on this facade, you might deteriorate on the inside and experience slow withering away of your soul, so I don’t recommend that you do this long term, but it’s a good place to start when you begin to feel self-conscious (“Everyone knows! They all know that I hate myself!”).

Another thing I’ve learned is that the best way to convince someone is to believe it first yourself. In dating for example, if you’re constantly thinking, “Am I okay? Am I pretty enough? Does this guy even wanna be here?” your date will totally get the insecure-AF vibe and be turned off very quickly. Instead, exude this: I am so hot. I am an amazing human being, and you are so lucky to be spending time with me right now. Or say it out loud.

Me walking toward my date (“I’m.So.Hot.”)


Don’t actually believe that to be true? That’s okay. It’s not the truth. Nobody’s amazing, but it’s all about what you tell yourself — and believe me, people can smell insecurity, and it stinks.

And lastly, remember that we’re all struggling. Guess what? That girl you see in your office who is always amazingly dressed and has the most perfect eyebrows? She can’t keep a boyfriend because she is an insane devil in real life. That seemingly happily married couple who posts the most amazing date pics on Instagram? Their in-laws hate each other. Me and my gorgeous hair? I am probably going to be bald by the age 40. It runs in my family. But you didn’t know that, right? And if I share with you, you will probably tell me that everything will be okay because it makes you feel better.

The point is, we all have our struggles. And most struggles are private, invisible, and quiet. So don’t feel jealous of others. Don’t hope to be someone else. You want their problems too? I don’t think so.

Most of insecurities come from comparing yourself — your most vulnerable self that only you know about — against everyone else’s best selves that they’re selectively showing the world. So don’t worry. Be confident. Because everyone — and I mean, everyone — has crap in their lives. It’s the ultimate equalizer.

So even if you feel like this:

Act like this:

The world will believe whatever you tell ’em. Trust me.

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